feel like im due a rant since well one im currently very pent up and two i like to rant.
So ive come to the conclusion that ive fallen for someone, but shes fucking miles away >.> and im not talking like bottom or top or Britain oh no, america. ffs ¬.¬ though why does it bother me? because we both know/think nothing will come of it though we acknowledge each others feelings. and im just keeping it all in but i just want to tell her “we both like each other why are we acting like were hiding this?” and other stuff i cba going into.
Then there’s the lonely factor. man that’s hitting fucking hard let me tell you. every night i fall asleep and dream i fall in love and were together etc etc (cant ever make out who it is though) and i just wake up and realise its never going to happen, so i get on xbox hoping to talk to friends take my mind of it etc and nope. friend hardly fucking talks, never wants to play anything and just doesn’t care really. so i thought fuck it went and got fallout 3 for pc and even that annoys me i cant just sit and play it and occasionally tab out to check facebook and the rare fact someone might message me first (another problem ill get to) and it will crash it and close it. tah game
now skype and other “social” media.
my god. i feel like whats the point in me having this shit? like really? no fucker ever talks to me on there unless i say hi first or something. the only time i get messaged is when someone wants something from me. and as of late ive had 1 person in 3 days ask me how ive been feeling and i feel shit! i haven’t had a hug from anyone other than family for nearly a whole fucking year! 365 DAYS! without human contact, sure ive met up with friends and we saw thor and played games but we dont hug, hes too alpha and i wouldn’t because it would be awkward and weird. the same goes for other things and to more extreme points i suppose, ive not held hands with another person for nearly a year now, or kissed anyone it fucking sucks!
sometimes i wish shit would go right for once instead of just fucking up constantly